Beans, Beans, Good For My Heart?

I have a serious problem. For the past week, I've had the worst gas in recent memory. It's as if my body is trying to expel something dark and disturbing and the only way out is, well, you know.

I live w/ animals, not humans, so I have to deal with bodily issues on a daily basis. If it's not someone peeing inside, it's poop or vomit, but it's every single day and I keep my rubber gloves and cleaning supplies on the ready. But my gaseous state has been so bad that even my dogs are disturbed when a particularly loud one erupts (I just woke Murphy up, for example).

But seriously? This is just awful. I can't imagine if I actually did live with another human being, much less have a man in my life. He'd surely run for cover if he heard the staccato noises coming out of this body.

So, what to do? I've long toyed with doing a "cleanse" but have never really settled on a plan to follow (no surprise there). I find myself on the coast of Georgia for a week, all alone at The Swamp House. Perfect time to try to rid myself of what's ailing me.

Tomorrow morning (I mean, this morning) will begin my 7-day cleanse diet. Mostly raw, I think, beginning each day w/ a healthy drink/smoothie made of herbs, ginger and fruit. I've found two recipes, one that has parsley and the other cilantro as the main ingredients.

Cilantro is supposed to draw metals out of the body, heal the cracks in my heel and give my liver the healthy glow it had before I went to college in Kentucky. Kentucky, the birthplace of Bourbon. Enough said.

I'll let you know how it's going in a couple of days. I might be back on Miller Lite and pork ribs by then. Wish me luck!