Monday, May 17, 2010

Losing My Panties And Not in a Good Way

Don't you just hate it when your underwear starts rolling down? This happens when the elastic just can't contain your curves (ahem) any more, or when the panties are so old they should long ago have been tossed or when you're walking so fast that your panties literally can't keep up with you.

This triple-whammy happened to me today on the long walk from Cubeville to my car. It started as I was waiting in the 14th floor elevator well. My shirt started to roll up and my wears started rolling down. Not a good combo. I managed one quick tug down and pull up before the elevator doors opened. Then, as I was walking through the long, marble hallway to the parking garage, the real panty descent began. My natural reaction was to speed up, breezing through the security gate and mumbling a good night to the security guard as I contemplated grabbing for a handful of underpants.

But I couldn't. Not only would I be walking half hunched over, but there were people walking towards me.

I made it to the garage elevator with my panties hovering around the tops of my thighs. This was Total Panty Failure. And I was wearing a dress. I still couldn't do anything but smile at the other office rats around me, praying that they wouldn't notice that I was waddling and that the undies wouldn't start sliding down my legs. I was clenching my legs together like a 3-year old.

Up the six floors to my car. No one else got off the elevator w/ me, thank god. As soon as the doors closed, I put down my bag and used both hands to hoist the panties back to their starting position. While I still had both hands full of dress and panty, a man came bounding down the steps in front of me.

Shit. Caught red-handed. He'd been whistling as he ran down, but came to a wide-eyed dead stop when he caught sight of me. Fuck me. I smiled and smoothed down my dress like there was nothing wrong, managing to push the underpants back down at the same time.

After total mortification, have come to the conclusion that I either have to lose weight or buy new underpants.

Naturally, I headed straight to the underwear store.

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